Has Anyone Ever Tried Green Eggs & Ham?

Written 8 hours ago by Amanda Berbig

I am sitting here eating Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream curtesy of Uncle Tony & Linda. Ice cream makes the best bedtime snack. I also got to enjoy the Village Woks sesame chicken with made my mouth have a party with each bite.

I wanted to send this quick post. I had 2 hours of a high dose chemo. My temp has stayed around 97.6 which is way better than the 104 temps I was getting in round one. The only effect I have had so for is green pee. Yes I did say green pee and since I am sure that most of you have never seen such a site I took a picture to share. That is all my ice cream is gone and my eyes want to stay closed.

Goodnight everyone and thanks for the support.
Xoxo
Manda

Round 2

Written 18 hours ago by Amanda Berbig

I just got back from an Echo which is basically an ultra sound of my heart. It was to make sure it's ready to lead me in to battle. The doctors plan of attach is to give me high doses of chemo today and Monday. This round will equal the same amount given to me in round 1. We are hoping this will wipe out the rest of the leukemia and I won't have to do anymore. I will have another bone marrow biopsy 7 days later. The doctors also expect that I will need a bone marrow transplant which is another lengthy procedure.

The good news is that it is very likely that I will get to come home for a little bit after my blood counts come back up from this treatment. After the bone marrow transplant I will get to stay in a little apartment that shuttles me right to where I need to go. The most exciting part is there will be room for Zach and the Girls.

The best news is that even with the extras I have, AML is curable. I will get my life back and I will live it better. The whole process of getting there just sucks.

I love having visitors but please call me first so I can put my food order in.

Xoxo

On the brighter side of my day : )

Written Apr 25, 2012 11:01pm by Amanda Berbig

I havn't had any really soild food since Wednesday other than yesterday's toast and potatoes. Today Jimmy Johns was delivered to my room! I only ate 1/4 of it but it was pure happiness in my mouth. I dream of the day I can have my sandwich loaded down with their spicy peppers. For dinner Zach got us shrimp fried rice and yummy soup from Village Wok. I am so giddy that their sesame chicken is in my near future.

My parents finally got to come up after being sick for a while. I freaked out my poor mom when she got here because I had just gotten a bloody nose that didn't want to stop. It was so good seeing them and hugging them. They both wore face masks and my dad had to patch his eye because of a cyst. He would have made a good pirate.

I spoke with my first fellow patient tonight. I was going to get ice and she was desperately searching in the freezer for ice cream. I had Zach show her where the unit 7c fridge is to check there. They were out of ice cream too and so she had a pudding in her hand instead. Earlier in then day Zach brought me some refreshing mango ice cream bars that we can store in the unit 7c. I asked her if she would like one. She hesitated and then said yes. We walked to 7c together and she was struggling a lot more to walk than me. It felt really good giving her the mango bar. I hope she enjoyed it.

The last couple of days I have had fevers that have sucked away my energy. I have decided ice is the answer. Ice on my back,neck, tummy, feet. I want my energy back and need to get rid of these fevers that nobody knows why I am having. 2nd round of Chemo starts tomorrow I ready to kick the rest of the cancer out.

Thanks everyone again for all your posts. They are such a comfort and inspiration for me.
Xoxo Amanda

Written Apr 25, 2012 6:24pm by Amanda Berbig

I really wanted to title today's post: ...And the drumroll please..., but I was reserving that for good news. Granted, today's news could've been worse, as I'll explain, but it was far from the best case scenario we were hoping for.

Let me begin by saying that deciphering the technical jargon is remarkably harder than I'd anticipated, but I'm gonna give it a go.

The chemo did it's job, just not enough. Her blast count was 70%. If I'm understanding correctly, it has dropped to somewhere in the ballpark of 46%, which is well beyond a normal or tolerable range. Again, if I'm clear, the blasts were somewhat obscured by monocytes (white blood cells I think), and therefor the count may not be completely accurate, but accurate enough to determine that more treatment is necessary. Also, a certain kind of irregular blast cell, known as CD34-positive blasts, exist. I think even the doctors don't exactly understand them, but they're bad.

What's all this mean? More Chemotherapy for starters. At least that looks likely. Perhaps BMT (bone marrow transplant surgery) will take place after that. But before I go getting ahead of myself you should know that none of this is set in stone as yet. Tomorrow morning the Doc's all meet to come to a consensus, and determine the best plan of attack.

Meanwhile, it seems that she'll be calling the hospital home for another month or so. Then it's break time, whether more treatment is imminent or not, to give her rest, physically and mentally. Then... Well, who knows right now? Probably BMT time, but we have a long road between now and then to cover. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.

We expected this, somewhat, but are still rather shaken. I wonder if you ever grow immune to results like these. I hope to never find out. We still believe in these doctors and in God's plan, but our entire life has taken a decidedly more difficult route than we ever thought possible just a few short weeks ago. We know we'll make it outta here, but that light at the end of this tunnel seems to have just gotten further away.

One bright, shinning little star in all of this, that we're clinging to, is that through the next months she'll need breaks between rounds of treatment. Amanda is the Maid of honor (or whatever it's called for a married woman) in Monica and Anthony's wedding in N. Carolina, this August. We'll be able to somewhat schedule treatments and it looks likely that we'll be able to attend the wedding! It would've broken her heart (& Moni's, n mine, n a bunch of other peoples) if we couldn't have that to look forward to.

That's it in a nutshell, folks. Say a prayer for her. Thanks.

-Z

Wednesday, April 25, 2012 10:17 AM, CDT

written by Amanda Berbig

If anxiety and patience were Olympic sports the 7th floor at the U of M Medical Center would be one of the world's foremost training facilities.
Keep training with us and we'll let you know what we learn soon...

Tuesday, April 24, 2012 3:36 PM, CDT

written by Amanda Berbig

Toast!!!

The bone marrow biopsy is complete. It took about two hours this time (a bit longer than the last one). It seemed to be easier this time though. For me that was because I'd seen it before and knew what to expect. For Amanda it was because they decided, right outta' the gate, not to mess around with incremental doses of pain meds. She's receiving 5 MCGS (micrograms) of Fentanyl per hour plus 15 MCGS as needed for pain on a regular basis. Before the biopsy today they gave her 50 MCGS, and midway through the procedure another 25 MCGS. That's a lot. She was just shy of nodding off.
When I explained this to Mom earlier, she asked why they don't just go all the way and knock her out. Thanks to today's procedure I actually think I know. When they were about half way through the bone she complained of a sharp pain down her leg, which means that the location wasn't quite right and they were hitting a nerve. If she wasn't conscious to tell them this they would've gotten the wrong stuff and had to do it all over again, prolonging the great looming, perhaps dreaded answers we're waiting for.
Some of her complications are receding, and as such she enjoyed a bit of toast after the biopsy. Wow, solid food, what a luxury! This is perhaps one of the reasons that these things, unfortunate as they are, are part of this great experience we call life. It's helped us appreciate the little things we take for granted, like toast.
We should be getting the results tomorrow, late afternoon/ early evening. Don't everybody blow my phone up, please, I'll be sure to post it when we're ready.
Thank you all again for your thoughts and especially your prayers. We need them now more than ever.
You'll hear from me soon.
-Zach

Monday, April 23, 2012 10:21 PM, CDT

Ice Cream for Breakfast, Ice Cream for Lunch

Title pretty much says it all. Vanilla ice cream and I are best friends. I even tried some cream of wheat today and cream of mushroom soap. I am super excited to work my way up to Village Wok or Pizza.

Today has been relaxing and a lot of sleeping. I got to visit with Laura who sat with me while I sat in the massage chair. I really need one of these in my room. Dad? Lol. Sleep has taken my day away. Sue came to visit tonight with a bunch of goodies to make me smile. Especially the medicine cup printed shot glass that her sweet granddaughter Emma picked out for me.

Tomorrow is the big day of my bone marrow biopsy. The results will come in on wednesday eve and we will know my next steps.

Oh, and ice cream for dinner!

Love

Sunday, April 22, 2012 11:40 PM, CDT

My Hair is Gone! Well most of it anyways

Today was another great day. I got moved up from ice chips to clear liquids. Real chicken broth for lunch and dinner. The downside is that jello and cranberry juice make the ulcers in my mouth have a party that has got way to out of control.

Since I couldn't donate my hair I had my friend Dawn braid it in three sections. I was happy when she cut them off. The three braids will go to the girls so I will be closer to them. They love my hair and I am hoping it is away that I can give them comfort while I'm stuck here. Dawn is such an amazing person that I was laughing and having fun as she clipped away.
I have a super cute pixie cut that I don't have to really do anything with. Even waking up with bed head looks good.

I also got to visit with Zach's Grandma and her husband Paul from Ohio. I love them both so much and was so excited to spend time with them. I got to hug Moni goodbye before she went back to NC and also spend sometime with Rossi before he leaves for the Navy on Tuesday.

I wanted to get this out last night but just got to sleepy. I had my first fever and my tummy got all grumbly. I am hoping it is from the throat medication that I took because I am really looking forward to ice cream today.

Love you all

Sunday, April 22, 2012 8:44 AM, CDT

Sleep, Fevers and Bed Bites

Last night was the longest stretch of time I have slept in days. My body screams at me from not pushing the magic button that takes away my pain. Well worth it and today they will give me a steady flow so that does not happen.

Yesterday was also my first day with out getting fever. The "food" that goes in through a bag makes my belly feel full. I pretend it's something yummy each night and eat a ice chip. Takeout will be in my near future where Village Wok will deliver right to my room.

I am up and moving around. It feels good to be and as long as I don't catch any bugs things are going to be getting better. One would think that spending all day in bed is a great thing. In my experience the bed bites you back after awhile.

I got to spend time with Zach, Grace and Bella yesterday. Seeing them without Sophia was relaxing and I actually got to spend time with them without the chaos. Sophia has been down without them to sneer at my doctors and kick me because she doesn't know how to express her emotions. The other day on the phone she told me she was sad because I'm not home. So do I.

Now that I am feeling better expect to hear more from me soon

Saturday, April 21, 2012 1:42 PM, CDT

Slight revision. Thanks mom.

Just so you know I've been mistakenly calling Blasts, blasters, in other words Immature neutrophils, which are the first responders/ infection fighters of the white blood cells. In fact without these the other white blood cells are essentially worthless.
Now to clarify somewhat, we all have blasts on our bone marrow, but Amanda's body is making so many that there's not room for the other blood cells to exist. 'Hope that helps some. 'Later.
-Z

Saturday, April 21, 2012 9:59 AM, CDT

THANK YOU!

Through everyone's comments, cards, gifts, facebooks, emails, phone calls, texts, visits, babysitting, meals, etc. all of you have filled me with love and hope beyond anything I could imagine.  It has been overwhelming. I can't quite pick a word that describes what I am feeling.  I think I need to make up a new word for the feeling I have from all of the support you have shown and given me. I want to THANK YOU! Even bolded and in all caps, this thank you is even greater than anything a can express. I love you all and can't wait for the day that I can give you a great, big hug outside of the hospital! 

Saturday, April 21, 2012 12:05 AM, CDT

Limited Visitors Please

Amanda has asked me to post that there will need to be a very limited amount of visitors coming to the hospital over this weekend (4/21-4/22).  This is because she is nuetrapenic and very susceptible to catching illnesses from others. Catching an illness would cause complications with her heath and treatment. 
Amanda is very thankful for all of the visitors that have found time to come and wish her well!  For this weekend, if you were planning on visiting please refrain and post on the Guestbook. 
Thank you for all of your support and kind words!  I can't even begin to explain what it means to her!

Friday, April 20, 2012 10:41 PM, CDT

Our thanks

I've been doing a little reading on various sites about cancer in general, AML, coping, dealing, ect., ... not as much as some of you, but hey, we're living it man. One common thread I've noticed, not everywhere but frequently, is the idea that "You're not alone..." I do think that there's something more or less unique about everyone's battle with cancer. Also I don't think most of you can relate to exactly what we're going through (a few of you can though). But from the very beginning, right up to now, I have not once felt as though we're alone.
You don't have to know how to mill flour and bake bread to know that you like to eat it. Likewise, you or your spouse don't have to have cancer to know that this is an aweful situation. Some of the hard or sad day to day details most of you will never experience (God willing), but at the end of the day we still know that you're worried right there with us.
Thanks to all of the family, friends, friends of friends, co-workers of friends, neighbors, prayer groups, long lost ushers, daycare parents, teachers, doctors, nurses, friends of nieghbors, and co-workers doctors friends. You all have prevented us from experiencing at least one of the apparently common side effects of cancer, feeling alone. Amanda and I love and appreciate you all.

Friday, April 20, 2012 7:19 AM, CDT

a HUGE Thank You from Amanda

Amanda asked me post on her behalf. She wants to thank everyone who has sent cards and gifts and offered to help Zach and girls as they keep their school and home lives going. She wishes she could call everyone individually, but just can't do that right now. Know that she really appreciates you all.!

Thursday, April 19, 2012 9:58 PM, CDT

Meal in a bag...

As I reported earlier, she's doing much better today. I don't think that it really has much to do with finishing chemo yesterday, as it is still pretty heavily concentrated in her system. It just is what it is, but we'll take it.
It is not all good though. The fast growing cells that the chemo kills, in addition to the blood cells, blasters, and eventually hair cells, also wipes out the cells that create a protective barrier from the mouth, into the gut, and out the other end. They say those cells are "sloughed off". Interesting terminology. This sloughing (sounds like sluffing) off makes for sores in the mouth and throat, and to say the least, a very uncomfortable and lasting tummy ache. Various drugs are offering some relief, but by this morning the Doc's recommended that she avoid ALL food AND drinks. So she's had a few, and I mean few, sips of water and is eating her meals through a tube, directly into her veins. Other than in the case of Barney Gumble's beer i.v., I can think of no other circumstance where that's desirable.
On the bright side, even though the food's pretty decent there, she was already getting sick of the hospitals menu.
Enough for tonight. See you tommorow.
-Z

Thursday, April 19, 2012 8:54 PM, CDT

Day eight!

It has been a pretty good day. When I got in I went to shower quick to get airport germs off me and then came straight to the hospital. It was fantastic to see Amanda and she was feeling pretty good compared to the past few days. She was in good spirits. My wedding dress came in and Amanda has been such a supportive, influential person throughout this wedding planning that I really wanted her to be there to see it for the first time. So since she she was feeling better my mom brought it here and we got to have a special dress fitting. I'm glad that Amanda coud be involved and be one of the first to see it. We are now relaxing watching the proposal. Hopefully a good night ahead of us! I really enjoyed spending the day with you Amanda! Love you! -Moni

Amanda says - When Monica wanted to bring her wedding dress here asked her why she would want to bring it to the hospital.  I was thinking it could get dirty - even though my room is extra clean and steril since I am nuetrapenic! Haha!  She brought it anyway.  I was so touched that she would do this for me and help me be able to still participate in planning her wedding.  She lit up the hopital room!  She was breathtakingly beautiful in her dress! This was definitely my first experience of a bridal fitting in a hospital room!
I loved having Moni here. She was such a comfort to me! We got to laugh like the good old preleukemia days! The night was great!  I was also put on a new diet; I like to call it Dinner a la Vein!  It doesn't require much or any chewing!  Although I am thorougly enjoying my ice chips.  I was hoping for a full nights sleep - but I ended up with 2 blood transfusions, 1 bag of platelets, and grand total of nine bags hanging from my pole! (I'll post a pic later) Not quite the night I was expecting!  Hoping I get to sleep more tomorrow night!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012 5:49 PM, CDT

It's a good day

I just got back home from visiting Amanda. Monica flew in from North Carolina this morning, had a quick shower, and headed straight to the hospital. It's a good day for that, as Amanda is feeling much better today than the last few days. I think Monica's being there has helped to pick up her spirits too. She has that effect on people, but expecially Amanda.
It's so good to see her with some color on her face and really good to see her smiling.
Not much more to report. 'Just thought y'all might like to hear that.
-Z

Thursday, April 19, 2012 10:00 AM, CDT - Draft

I mentioned Sophia’s comment to the other patient about Mommy’s tubes. It got me thinking that it was the first my idea about how she interprets this whole thing. I've been trying to grasp how the girls understand this, and it's more difficult than you might think.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
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I’ve been asked numerous times how the girls are doing through all of this. The answer I keep giving is something like, “Considering how bad and shocking all this is, they’re doing quite well…” That’s true, but far from complete.
Part of my problem is that they can’t exactly express how they’re feeling about it. So it’s my job to help them understand how they feel about it by explaining it in language that they can understand, without making them worry too much (or too little for that matter). Analogies help. Once we reach some understanding, showing them how to direct their emotions in a positive and healthy manner is the next step. This would all be a lot easier if I knew how to do all that for myself, but this is new for all of us.
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I never liked school and was glad to get out of it and get to work, but right now I’m wishing I’d embarked in a psychological, theological, oncological rich educational endeavor long ago. I’m sure it wouldn’t have given me all the answers, but I’d surely have been better prepared for this. Then again, who knew we’d be facing this? Oh, maybe that’s where the theology comes into play...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 11:15 PM, CDT

The only thing sad about the Rolling Stones is that they're still performing

It's funny what triggers an emotional moment with an experience such as this. For the first several days, just talking on the phone to someone and explaining what was beginning to happen would lead to a fit of tears and a quivering lip. After having that conversation to a thousand people though, while still somber and serious, it doesn’t seem to be as tough to get the words out. But there are obviously things that I see or hear or talk about that make my eyes well up. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

The other day Sophie was talking to another patient at the hospital. Just small talk, but clearly entertaining for the woman. Sophie noticed the disconnected i.v. in her arm and said something along the lines of, ‘Where are your tubes? My Mommy has lots of tubes sticking out of her right now.’ That one got me. I think it would’ve gotten a lot of people. But today, I’m driving home with the kids and The Rolling Stones, You Can’t Always Get What You Want, comes on the radio, and I just started balling. What the heck!?! It’s not a song about cancer. I’ve never felt strongly about it one way or another. It’s not even a sad song. But when I began to sing along to the refrain, I just lost it.

The other day I was cleaning out the fridge, somewhat, to make room for the food generously provided by some of you wonderful people, and throwing away some old leftovers and came to the Tupperware with the last pasta salad Amanda made, which I can’t bring myself to eat or throw away, and just started crying. Normally I open the fridge and get happy something’s in there or irritated something’s not, but now I’ll often open my fridge and just get sad.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 11:04 PM, CDT

I've been trying to put 15 minutes together all day long to update you all and mention a few things, but haven't had time until now.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
First of all, just as a reminder to anyone who plans on visiting Amanda, it's extremely important that if you're sick, have been around someone who's sick, think you may be getting the slightest little sniffle, or just have an aversion to bathing, DON'T COME. As Mary Jo so aptly put it, it doesn't mean you don't love or care about her if you don't visit. Frankly, it's showing that you do care. Her immune system is so fragile right now that the slightest little bacteria could cause severe complications.
Meanwhile, if you are healthy, and don't mind watching a beautiful sick woman sleep, you may visit, but it's still important to be vigilant about clean hands especially, but clean everything. I don't mean to patronize any of you, but now that the chemo has done all its dirty work she's about as susceptible to infection as she'll ever be and will be for a number of days.
So ya, the chemo's is done for now. Let’s hope for good, but realistically it’s just done for now. Now we wait. The cells in her bone marrow will begin rebuilding, and in about a week they'll be able to tell what percentage are the cancer cells or Blasters. Again, she began with 70% and we’re shooting for a percentage between 2 and 5 percent for the cancer to be considered in remission.
As I've reported, she's been feeling pretty banged up for a number of days, and we expect that to last for a while longer. But after some blood transfusions and lots of fluid and rest she should begin to improve after that! 'Really looking forward to that day.
The chromosome tests we've been sitting on the edge of our seats waiting for began to come back today. Normal. That was what I was told about that. Just, normal. My expectation, based on the importance they seemed to place on those tests, was somehow greater. I guess, though, that it's good news that it's not bad news. There are a couple more specialized chromosome tests that we're still waiting for, but I'm not expecting much from them now.
-Z

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 10:24 PM, CDT

Day 7 is Complete!

I did not get to spend too much time with Amanda today.  I did, very much, enjoy the time that I had.  Becky and I stopped up this evening to watch the last of the Chemo leave the bag!  A loud celebration startled the other patients in ward 7D at around 8:45pm!  She made it through the first seven days!  No doubt, there will be more tough days ahead. However, this will not taint the feeling of reaching the top of the hill!  Congrats, Manda Jane, on making it to the top of the Day 7 hill! :)

- Angie

Wednesday, April 18, 2012 10:07 PM, CDT

Really really day 7!

Amanda told me at the beginning of this journey, "You're gonna have some serious respect for me by the time this is all done, and you've been doing my job for a while." 

Well, I don't have to wait until she's outta' the hospital to tell you, she was right. There are numerous examples of this phenomenon, but for example, just getting outfits picked out for school in the morning has proven to be quite the ordeal. But the girls and I are making it work, and will continue to move forward as well as we can.


More on that later...

-Z

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 10:55 PM, CDT

Day 7 technically began @ 9:30 tonight! Pull up a chair and get comfortable for this one...

Day 7 is an important milestone at this point in the battle. This brand of Chemotherapy is done in 14 day increments. Days 1 through 7 the chemo drugs are administered through a pick line (fancy word for an i.v.) When that's complete the next 7 days are certainty far from drug free but are chemo free. This is what they call the induction period (roughly). When day 14 arrives they'll do another bone marrow biopsy (NASTY procedure!). Roughly two days later we'll know what percentage of the regenerating cells are cancer cells. Ideally, of course, a big fat zero is what they'll find. Realistically though it'll be more. I think the number to beat, which allowed them to diagnose it as Leukemia in the first place was something like 70%(whatever that means). By then we'll also have chromosome tests back, which apparently tell them a lot about some really important stuff. The chromosome tests coupled with the results from the bone marrow biopsy will determine how they'll proceed.

If you are one of the noble individuals who chose a profession in oncology, this probably sounds like nails on a chalk board, but get over yourselves. When I hear you talk about building a wall or plumbing a bathroom you sound like a dope to me too.

Anyway, we're clinging to milestones these days; Amanda and I just turned 30, Grace just turned 10, Bella's reading books by herself, and Sophie'll start riding the bus next year with her big sisters and going to all day school. So day 7 is the first in who knows how many milestones ahead. There's probably a long road ahead, but finishing the first round of chemo without any major roadblocks is a victory in our book.

Naturally, Amanda's feeling awful. The treatment has rendered her neutropenic, a fancy-schmantz way of saying she has virtually NO white blood cells and has completely lost the ability fight off infection. Her platelet level has dropped significantly, leaving her vulnerable to extensive bleeding if she were to get a cut. Equally important is the hemoglobin (red blood cell) count, allowing her just enough oxygen in her blood, i.e., energy, to get up and go to the bathroom 3 to 20 times per hour. On that note, of the 20 lbs she gained in the first 5 days, she's managed to pee off 9 of them. The hemoglobin and platelet counts can be increased with blood transfusions, but the white blood cell count has to repopulate on it's own. So in short, she's very tired, has a fair amount of pain, and very little appetite.

This one's long enough. I'll keep going later.
-Z

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 10:59 AM, CDT

Day 6

According to the Doc, yesterday's decline probably marks the beginning of a rather difficult period toward the end of the first treatment. It's likely to last a few days more and was apparently expected at this point. I was planning on trying to be home with the girls more this week, but as the old saying goes: Man plans and God laughs.

The kids are, by the way, doing much better.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 8:28 AM, CDT

Parental guidance recommend ... Mildly

I woke up at 5 this morning to Marvin, the graveyard shift nurse, checking vitals. Fortunately, that hasn't been the case on an hourly basis, for me. Amanda, on the other hand, has yet to sleep more than two hours straight for over a week now. Marvin's lucky though. If I tried to wake her up half as often as he does, well let's just say she wouldn't look too kindly on it. Of course he's checking vitals and administering meds. Under normal circumstances, my intent would've been to administer something far less altruistic.

Wow. That was not at all the direction I planned on taking this when I began writing.

Nurse just walked in to take vitals again. Gonna check out for now to see if she's ready for breakfast. I'll post news about how the day's going later if I can.

-Z

Monday, April 16, 2012 10:29 PM, CDT

Day 5

Another day under her belt. The trend seemed to suggest that she was going to be feeling better for a while, and she did for the last two days, both physically and mentally. Her fever and tonsillitis seemed to be in check, or well on their way to becoming so. The initial shock had begun to dissipate and spirits were relatively high too. But as life often is, the new day brought new challenges. The fever seemed to be returning, and the pain meds were leaving her foggier than a college kid at a Phish concert... but not in the good way.

After two blood transfusions, a lot of sleep, a reassessment of some of the drugs she's on, and a little help from her friends (& family) she did begin feel more like herself. In fact, as I write this, she's sleeping deeply and (sorry for making this public knowledge, Honey, but...) snoring contently. I pray that tomorrow will be better now that they've worked out a few more kinks, and I think it will.

-Z

Sunday, April 15, 2012 9:34 AM, CDT

Day 4

Day One said
"The fight continues," It should have said, "The fight
begins!"


Now it's
starting to feel like the fight continues. I hesitate to even say that now, as
there's such a hill to climb ahead.


Time is
doing funny things these days. One moment it feels like the clock is moving
backwards, or at least everything is in slow motion. The day of the diagnosis,
for instance, felt like the longest three
days of our lives. Then somehow the end of the day arrives, as it always does,
and I wonder where the day went. Right now I'm wondering where the last week
went.


We're doing
much better than just a few short days ago. We're trying to be optimistic and
you all have been instrumental in propping up Amanda, the girls, and I, and
making us feel so much love and support throughout this thing. Keep it up.


Our optimism
originally derived from a positive and confident staff of terrific doctors,
nurses, aids, and volunteers. On the same day Dr. Burns terrified and shook us
to our core with the word Leukemia, she also, hours later, gave us hope and an incredible
sense of relief with the words remission and cure. Of course they can't
guarantee either, but we're sure they're committed trying with all they've got.
Amanda's youth, health otherwise, attitude, and faith will carry us the rest of
the way. Of that I am sure.

I'll have
more in the future. Thank you all again for your support, thought, visits,
flowers, food, and prayers.

-Zach

Saturday, April 14, 2012 8:46 PM, CDT

I feel like a giant marshmallow

Day 3 Chemo

My body is holding in so much water that I feel like a giant marshmallow on a stick, in a campfire, expanding at an alarming rate.

Last day on Ldarubicin (one of the Chemo drugs I am on).

I have been labeled Neotropenic (meaning my white blood cells have dropped really low(normal on Chemo)) and I now get to wear a facial mask like a cowgirl. Hmm...I do like Country music a little bit better than Cancer. Well, I actually love Country music compared to Cancer.

Had a great sleepover night with Angie (just like are "normal" Friday nights minus the wine. Thanks to my Uncle Glen and Aunt Cathy Squilllace, Sarah, my mom, Tony, John, Julie, Tasha, and Conner Wilson, and Mallory for keeping me company today. It was fantastic to see my Hubby and the girls. I got to hang out with big brother Dustin and Sister in-law Betsie. Enjoyed dinner with my dad and now it is so quite.
Excited for sleep. Love all you guys, thanks for all the love & support.

Friday, April 13, 2012 11:00 PM, CDT

Day 2 of Chemo

Amanda says... I had a great time during my sleepover with my mom last night.  I woke up this morning with NO FEVER and feeling good! I went out for a walk.  I found out that riding the elevator may not be the best idea...It was like the worst rollercoaster ride of my life when it stopped 5 times on its way down!  Stupid busy hospital!

I also had many visitors.  Tony and Linda came by.  Linda brought me some fabulous tea to make me feel better!  Thanks, Linda!  Sophie, Zach and Rossi came over to play too!  Sophie maybe a little mad at me for not being home.  

I have to feel for Zach!  He's got a lot on his plate with the three girls and a house full of chores!  

It was hard saying bye to Rossi today. I hope I get to see him again before he leaves for the Navy!   

I ate dinner with Phil and Diana.  Diana painted my nails.

I had a minor freak out when I received beautiful flowers from Emelia and Dusty...and I couldn't keep them in my room!  I miss my Dusty and was looking forward to visiting him in Boston at the end of April.  And stupid leukemia took both the flowers and the trip away from me! And to top it all off, all the weight I had just lost is coming back!  My ankles, face, hands, arms, stomach and probably my ass are swollen!

I can't wait to have my sleepover with Angie and see my good friends Maria, Kristen, Krista, and Matt! :) 

Angie says...This evening I had a wonderful time with my beautiful, best friend Amanda, as well as our friends Krista, Kristen, Matt, and Maria!  We had a lot of laughs!  We ordered Pizza Luce and they even delivered it to the room! Awesome! It had me thinking that the hospital stay will at least not have to consist of hospital food! Bonus!  It has been fantastic spending time with Manda.  She is filled with positive energy and is not letting this cancer stuff get her down.  I can't imagine not having Amanda and Angie time at least one night a weekend.  I am very thankful that I got to spend this time with her and am looking forward to more girly sleepovers in the future!

Thursday, April 12, 2012 4:20 PM, CDT

Day 1 Chemo, The fight continues!

I had a much valued afternoon with Manda, also known as the cancer princess. Last night she began her battle with a blood transfusion and started chemo which she will be receiving around the clock for the next 7 days. She had another blood transfusion this morning and is hanging in there like the rock star I know she is! She has been a little nauseous from the chemo but has been able to take some meds to help with that. The next two weeks will be tough but she is such a strong woman that I know she can fight this!!

After 14 days she will receive another bone marrow biopsy to see she has gone into remission. Time to kick cancer's ass!!!

Tons and tons of love and prayers,
Becky

Amanda says: I have felt really fantastic today thanks to blood bags and Dalotied? (some kind of strong Morphine I get at the push of a button. This morning my fever was at 103.2. later it droped to 99.8 and has not gone up for the first time in five days. The best part is the pain med kills my pain (from the tonsalitis I so luckily picked up on day two (tues.))

My mom is going to have a sleepover with me tonight. I hope she won't worry so much after she sees how well I am treated and taken care of here. -Amanda

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 6:57 PM, CDT

Starting to Fight Back

This morning Amanda's bone marrow biopsy initial results came in and doctors confirmed our greatest fear: Amanda has leukemia.  This afternoon, more test results were available allowing the doctors to identify which form of leukemia she is fighting.  She has AML (Acute Myelogenous Leukemia.)  This is the most common form of adult leukemia, which is a small bit of consolation.  Ama nda begins chemotherapy tonight (iderubicen and cytarabine.)  These will be administered non-stop for 14 days at which time another bone marrow biopsy will be taken.  That's the very abbreviated medical update.
Amanda has been sleeping a lot and has been pretty uncomfortable.  Still, she is her warm, friendly self and has a positive attitude.  She told Zach last night that whatever this is, they'll get through it together. 
Last night Zach told the girls simply that mom is sick and the doctors are trying to figure out exactly what's wrong.  Tonight they are going to the hospital for the first time and will be given more information.  I can't really say how the girls are doing.  It's too soon to tell.  Friends of Zach and Amanda's, grandparents and other family are all planning to help a lot with the girls so Zach can be with Amanda most all of the time.
I'm sure Zach will keep you all informed regularly from here on out and will share this unexpected journey with you.
I love you, Amanda!
~Deb